its been forever since I have written on my livejournal. i check it maybe once every two or three months but it seems as if everyone has abandoned it. that's ok. i need an outlet and i have blogger but i feel that is a front and I am not sure i can do it anymore. also, there is facebook but i hate hate hate facebook. the only reason i keep it around is for family members that dont live near us.
first, i am back in louisiana living with my grandparents and this makes me want to scream. i hate living here and i know they dont want me here but i have to keep in mind it is only for a little while. i am hoping to go apartment hunting sometime next week.
second, i feel torn and untrue to myself. i know i need to just be me but it is hard whenever you live your life under a microscope.
third, i really hope to keep up with this even if no one follows me i promise it will be ok...my own little heaven.
As crazy & messed up things are now, i feel at peace.
i'm so ready for:
going to the beach
moving to la
last night i had an effed up dream. like. seriously.
it starts out i'm outside at my grandparents house. all of a sudden the sky gets completely black and grasshoppers/bugs started falling from the sky. we run inside and i start freaking out saying it was the end of the world.
all of a sudden we are in this room [sorta looks like a library minus tables]. there are several families there but we are divided into our own families. we are praying. everyone is.
me and two other girls start floating to heaven. at this point i figure i'm dying. as we float up we pass through "clouds"[?] of multicolored pastels. I do not want to leave my husband or son but i feel a peace over me and i know he will be ok, taken care of. we float higher and higher.
finally, me and another girl slowly come to a stop. the third girl keeps going to heaven. we are going back to our families. i'm happy but want that peace. before i make it to my family, i wake up in my dream & i'm on my grandparents sofa with everyone around me. seems i had been stung by several bugs and passed out. this is where i woke up.
this is not the first wacked out dream i had. i've been having them several weeks now. like pregnancy dreams. but i'm not.
i need a dream interpretation.